My GoodMan is the one who asks me, “Should we book our tickets to visit home?” A kind and sensitive guy always knows what it means to go home. He loves to travel but carefully alternates between a new destination and a visit to family. As much as I like to visit my family, there is no denying that it's stressful. Nothing beats being in the town I grew up in and surrounded by a large extended family that showers us with unbiased love and care but, the long tedious journey is a complete turn off.
“The ache for home lives in all of us” - Maya Angelou
So many days of planning and preparations are finally put to test. The tickets were booked over 3 months ago but there is never enough time to cover everything that you wish to work on. My weight for example. I wish I could fit in a size 8 (not a shoe size) when I go home but that's wishful thinking. Shopping is the unconditional custom for traveling. New clothes, shoes and bags are a must. A few gifts and some souvenirs also make the cut.
The last week before the actual travel is totally taxing and booked up. Hair color, eyebrows, waxing and pedicures can't be done sooner. Packing bags is a very detail oriented business specially when the stay is over 40 days. Add to that the new requirements of Covid-19 testing, awaiting results and uploading the documentations. It really requires a great amount of determination to set foot internationally. The day before our departure, my fidgety son broke the wire on his dental braces, our car issued multiple engine warnings and our PCR test for Covid-19 hadn't come yet. Each hiccup was resolved eventually but added to the chaos.
I have spent the first quarter of my life in Dubai. Our family still resides there and has been growing multiple times over the recent years. Marriages and babies have been an annual affair and going back after three years means I will meet more than a handful of new members and learn about the changes in the existing clan. The excitement to meet and hug each one is enormous and exhausting but absolutely enriching. A trip even as long as 10 more than 30 whole days is not going to be enough.
As a child, I used to completely adore air travel because the journey was mostly just a couple of hrs. My children, on the other hand have hated air travel since they were less than 6 months old. For them, planes are crowded, boring, monotonous, strained and endless. The shortest journey they get is when we choose to holiday in Europe. Planes make them anxious and nauseated.
The drawbacks of living 7 seas away are many but I have to confess the many benefits. Because we travel only once a couple of years, we are showered with so much warmth and attention. Every single family member is elated to meet just as much as we are eager. Every visit is a lunch or dinner invitation accommodating special meal requests and showering with blessings and gifts. Free rides and tours of the ever developing Dubai are included. It Is like living the short life of a famous celebrity.
No matter how many weeks one plans to stay, it just is never enough. Of course, I want to see everyone in person and also individually but, two teens tagging along is more stressful and a little daunting. Remember this is supposed to be a holiday too :) Then comes the frustrating task of summing up the events of the past few years over coffee or around the dinner table. So much has happened and yet it’s hard to explain everything without going into too much detail and isolating your loved ones. I want to tell my sister in law and aunts every single detail of my life abroad, all the things I couldn’t over Zoom or through texting, but it's not always easy. Then suddenly I realize that life is moving on without me, and that my family and friends are making memories that I won’t always be part of. It is a thought that saddens. I try to console myself by hoping that my friends and family feel the same way about me—when I am gone, they wish I could be part of all the amazing memories. Accepting that I won’t always be there for the big moments, just as my friends and family can't always be with me, is an important part of the American life. Returning home, even if it is just for a visit, can leave me sometimes doubting myself and feeling out of place — suddenly my own culture starts to seem foreign to me. I accept that it is me that has changed since living abroad, not the culture I left behind. It just seems interesting now to see how cultures can vary.
“Home is the place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to go back to” - John Ed Pearce
Over the last 17 years, the United States of America has been home. We made our little heaven here and are beyond blessed. Our friends and neighbors fill the void of family for us. Almost all friends made the effort to visit, call or text before we left. “You deserve a break and I am so happy that you are going home.” “I am going to miss you but make the most of your journey.” “Give my regards to your parents and come back soon.” - were few of the many warm phrases we heard. Two very dear family friends have already planned a B'not Mitzvah and an annual gathering the first weekend after we return in August :) (Obviously a happy coincidence)
We checked in smoothly and had ample time to hang out at the airport. My GoodMan stayed as long as he could at the departure gate and then headed home. He will be joining us in a little over 3 weeks and that is another ache we carry. Our daughter hates that the most. The flight commenced and reality hit. We had embarked on a long enduring journey. My kids were air sick and anxious immediately. The pretzels and juice failed to cheer them up. Sleep was hard but the only medicine to kill time. After literally half a day in mid air we were finally landing in the land of lights and glamor.
Disembarking from an aircraft feels like getting freedom back. The liberty to not be confined in a seat is priceless. Fantasy comes to life at the Dubai airport itself. Everything seems sparkling and spotless. In the many years I have lived and visited Dubai, it has never failed to impress. Our bags arrived easily and we are all dreading the trip back home. Everything melted when eventually we set eyes on my handsome nephew. The feeling that comes when you hold your 5yr old nephew in your arms can only be experienced and not expressed. Add on to that, the sight of my stylish and endearing parents makes everything totally worth it.
“There’s nothing half so pleasant as coming home again” - Margaret Elizabeth Sangster
At long last, we Americans have to look on the bright side. We get the best of both — the enjoyment of a new culture and lifestyle, and the promise that our native countries will always be there when we go back. Visiting our homeland evokes some strange, nostalgic emotions, and for me, at least, visiting "home" made me rethink the definition of the word. We either have one home, or two — and it’s up to us to decide which way we prefer.
~ MG
Pros and Cons of living far away from family well depicted. Hope that the love showered by family and extended family overpowers the stress, exhaustion and discomfort that you and kids have gone through.
Maloo, there is so much truth to your family's feelings. This is a touching and true sentiment - “Home is the place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to go back to” - John Ed Pearce.
It is true that it is hard to recollect all your past experiences that you want to share with your reunited family. My family often shares the experiences we have had using pictures. Pictures in a hardbound volume such as those made by Shutterfly. To commemorate a special week or two, a vacation, a holiday, a journey 10 family members took together, etc. we all share what we have photographed and one person edits the album for publication. Then we…