Accommodating Anger

Football is religiously played on TV every Sunday from fall through February. On December 9th, 2018, we were watching the New England Patriots lead the score against the Miami Dolphins. Only 7 seconds left on the clock in the 4th quarter and NE 33 - 28 MIA with the ball at the 30 yard line for the Dolphins, every single viewer, including the commentators believed that the Patriots had won this game. This was the absolute last play of the game.

But then the unthinkable happened. This is what the commentator said, "Tannehill throws it and this will end it after the shovel … Or will it? Miami running around, circling around. Oh look out Gronkowski didn't have the angle, oh look out. Touch down!! Kenyan Drake! A Miracle!" The other commentator continues, "From Stills to Parker to Drake. 50 yards away, he is going to run through the entire Patriots defense. And you are right, look at Gronkowski, he stumbles. He was the safety. Fantastic! Touch Down Miami."

My GoodMan went completely red in the face and fumed with anger. He was out of his mind and clearly pissed. Our sporty son and moi, couldn't help but chuckle at the brilliance of Miami. That made it more unbearable for my sensitive simple GoodMan. His team had lost at the very end. The final score was NE 33 - 34 MIA. My GoodMan stomped upstairs and shut the door with a bang. To express his anger, he deleted all apps related to the NFL and stopped following Patriots on social media.

Anger is defined as a feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad. It is an emotion that may make one shout, scream or hurt someone. A strong feeling of displeasure and hostility is anger. Headaches, digestive problems, anxiety, high blood pressure, insomnia, heart attack and even stroke are a number of short term and long term health problems related to being angry.

Despite these criticisms, it’s popularity remains high. Anger is best viewed as a tool that helps us read and respond to upsetting social situations. Research indicates that feeling angry increases creativity, effective performance—and overwhelming suggests that expressing anger can lead to more successful negotiations, in life or on the job. Uncontrolled anger can lead to arguments, physical fights, physical abuse, assault and self-harm. Avenger fans will savvy how Dr. Banner morphs into the Hulk only when he gets really angry.

Sometimes, you have to get angry to get things done - Ang Lee

As a child, I had seen my mom toil in the kitchen from morning until night. We had a vast extended family who would bestow their presence so often. We thrived and had a whale of a time. There was domestic help but my mom still cooked lavishly from scratch. She would be overworked and exhausted eventually. One such day, my younger brother, who was probably only 7 then, went up to my mom in the kitchen and bluntly told her, "Here we go again. Guests will come and you will cook so many things and then get tired. Because you will be tired, you will be angry with us for the smallest reason." My faultless mother was surprised but sighed. How did her little charmer make her realize something she never noticed? She made a commitment to herself to not get overwhelmed with cooking and cleaning and to rather indulge in the time together. And as far as my younger brother is concerned, he is intuitive by nature and has never let anger get the better of him.

The most common triggers for anger are feeling unappreciated, injustice or losing your patience. Other than that, reasons could be unique to every individual. Inaction on part of the US government to combat Gun Violence is my trigger. Based on what we expect from ourselves, others and the World in general may define our anger emotions.

Anger is the wind which blows out the lamp of the mind - Robert Green Ingersoll

The movie Inside Out identified 5 major emotions in the human mind. Joy, Disgust, Fear, Sadness and of course Anger. It is well known that impulsive decisions made when we are angry, are often followed by regret. When Riley (main character) is really struggling with the move and feeling at her worst, anger steps in with the decision to run away. The decision is made in anger at a time when Joy is away from headquarters and it reflects that exact sort of semi-irrational thinking that happens when someone is angry, sad, scared, etc.

Get mad, then get over it - Colin Powell

Undoubtedly, anger is never encouraged rather being mindful and requires to be dealt with diligence. Some ideas of expressing anger in a healthy way are:

• Walk away from the situation until you cool down.

• Talk to someone who can help you understand.

• Take a break from the matter and return after a specified period of time.

• Recognize and accept the reasons why you feel upset.

• Consider different ways to fix the situation

Other options like listening to music, watching something on TV, taking a shower, going for a drive, jogging around the block, painting, sketching, writing a journal, stress ball or even having a spoonful of Nutella, anything and all are simple strategies to fix anger.

Being angry is allowed but staying angry…. umm not so much.

Emotions have a habit of carrying us away. Anger is a particularly corrosive force that eats away at our sense of ethical restraint until it breaks through entirely and we do something we will later regret. Anger hurts us while it’s present in the mind, it hurts others, and the consequences of our acting or speaking out of anger can haunt us for a very long time.

This in no way is suggesting that one should suppress anger. In fact, repressing anger can actually hurt you. Dr. Ernest Harburg and his team at the University of Michigan School of Public Health spent several decades tracking the same adults in a longitudinal study of anger. They found that men and women who hid the anger they felt in response to an unjust attack subsequently found themselves more likely to get bronchitis and heart attacks, and were more likely to die earlier than peers who let their anger be known when other people were annoying. Nevertheless, in most cases, with age and experience, people have less intense anger or learn to manage it more constructively.

The December Miami Miracle, was an American football play which is also the first walk-off game-winning touchdown in NFL history to involve multiple lateral passes. The play went on to win the Bridgestone Performance Play of the Year Award at the 8th Annual NFL Honors Award Show on February 2, 2019. My GoodMan calls it the 'Patriots Debacle' and refuses to give it the popular name of 'Miami Miracle.'

Our lassie was at a neighbors place that Sunday during the game and went up to ask the score. The erudite man of the house politely replied to her, "The Dolphins won. Don't go home just yet beta because your dad will be hopping mad."

A true friend truly knows how to accommodate :)

~ MG