Who's your Therapist?

In 2012, my little princess was just 4yrs old. One evening, while I was trying to comb her gorgeous thick hair, she kept complaining that I was hurting her. I wondered why she would say that. After a few minutes, I lost my patience and scolded, "You are so fussy. Go do it yourself." She started to cry. My GoodMan went up to her and asked her if she could show where it was hurting. She pointed to a section behind her left ear. When he investigated he was shocked because between her silky hair, he saw a tick!!!

He tried to pull it out but that thing didn't budge. He rushed to me and told me, "There is a tick on her scalp." I spoke without hesitation, "It can't be a tick, probably just some extra growth. She is just a child. What's a tick anyway?" He felt frustrated and replied, "I know it is a tick. We need to take her to the emergency room."

I suddenly found myself in full panic mode. I called 911 and the emergency meds were over in less than 5 minutes. They tried to pull out the tick with tweezers but it was one nasty bug who refused to let go. They turned around and explained, "The tick has been on her for at least over 24 hours. She needs to get it out surgically. She may be infected with Lyme disease and will probably be prescribed medication and not be able to play sports." My heart sank. I lost strength in my limbs and felt responsible for being completely ignorant.

Long story short, within the next 6 hours, we rushed to the hospital, the tick was out (not the kind that transmitted Lyme Disease) and my daughter earned two popsicles for being brave. We returned home relieved and grateful. It was past midnight, and my GoodMan was ready to hit the sack. Irrespective of the exhaustion we felt, I told him, "I have to talk to my dad." My GoodMan was so tired and begged, "You can call him tomorrow." I simply said, "I have to talk to him. I have to share what happened today." My GoodMan gave up and headed off straight to bed.

As a matter of coincidence, my GoodMan had an annual physical the following day. He adores his physician and shares the whole drama of the night before. He concluded, "We all were exhausted late last night but my wife insisted on talking with her dad. She always calls him when anything unexpected happens." The smart doctor comforted him and said, "That's because your father in-law is her therapist. We all have someone we count on for support and guidance. Who's your therapist?"

"Some seek the comfort of their therapist's office, others head to the corner pub and dive into a pint, but I chose running as my therapy." - Dean Karnazes

Until the doctor had labeled it, I had never realized why I always needed to talk to my Dad to feel reassured. Even after being a wife and a mom, I still seek advice from my folks now and then. I need comfort and assistance from them.

Do all human beings have a therapist? Do we all need one another in the roller coaster called Life? According to Dr. David Spiegel, M.D., associate chair of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University, anyone should be open to seeking professional guidance when it comes to their emotional health. "We're social creatures, fundamentally, so talking to people can be a real source of support and help," Speigel says. "Therapy can be an interpersonal laboratory," tells Spiegel. "It's a way of working with cognition, emotion and interpersonal relationships in a way that helps you manage your emotions and learn to see it in a different perspective."

In other words, you don't have to go through a huge life event or trauma to benefit from therapy. Talking with a professional allows you to get a sense of how you appear to other people, helps you get feedback on whatever you're feeling and offers insight on how those emotions are affecting your everyday life.

"There are many ways of getting strong, sometimes talking is the best way." - Andre Agassi

Over a decade ago, I had randomly met a sweet and pretty lady and her two adorable children. We lived in the same town and ended up meeting at parks and events every so often. We would have interesting conversations and started having play dates together for the kids. In a few weeks, I learned that she was a professional therapist. I immediately confessed to her, "Oh dear! You must've analyzed me already and understood my psychology and how crazy I am." She gave a warm smile and replied, "I don't mix my work with my personal life. You are absolutely fine." She has been one of my closest friends for many years now. Although I confide frequently to her, it is only because she is intelligent, caring, sincere, empathetic, brave and a kind true friend. Not because she is a true professional. My Life's Treasure!

I always believed that only people who do not have a close knit family, friends or colleagues may need therapy. My thought process was that your inner circle knows more about you than any professional can so they should be capable to support you in your struggle and journey of life. A dear friend bluntly disagreed with me. She explained, "Sometimes even when you have everything and everyone around you, professional help maybe necessary. This is a complete myth about therapy." I admire her for being completely honest always.

I absorbed what she said and gave it a serious thought. I absolutely agreed with her and realized there were a number of myths surrounding therapy:

• Only “crazy” or “mental” people need to talk to therapists.

• I’m not depressed; I’ve just got the blues.

• What if anyone finds out? I’ll be ruined!

• All you do in therapy talk about your past.

• Once I start therapy, I will have to go forever.

These and many similar common beliefs make people hesitant about seeking a therapist. There are so many sources available and everyone can find what they need. From animal therapy to couples therapy. From social therapy to music therapy. Not everyone needs the traditional approach to therapy but anyone can reap the benefits of therapy. The marketing industry turned it around to benefit their sales. The media promotes shopping therapy, chocolate therapy, spa therapy and many more. These may not have long term effects but definitely work like magic in the short term.

Today, more than ever before, we need the little things to feel hopeful. Commit to spreading good news and a little kindness. Hanging out with our neighbors, while practicing social distancing in the evening, is the most enriched therapy we could ask for. The soccer sidelines is also a great way to feel connected with fellow parents. We all need some sort of therapy in life and each of us has the potential to offer therapy through kindness and empathy, if nothing more.

To answer the doctor's question that day, my GoodMan replied, "My wife is my therapist." She smiled and added, "I hear you but I think spouses are not the best choice."

I strongly agree with her but I also know that I mean the World to him!

PS: Secretly, I sometimes wish he would see a professional :)

~ MG