Never Say ... Goodbye!

I had dreaded this day for so long but it was finally here. I knew it would be painful but I never thought it would get me choked up. I couldn't deal with it. I wanted to try and get to the other side without having to go through it. I wanted to skip it or fast forward to a time where this would be a thing in the past. I hate Goodbyes. I wish I never have to do it.

“Goodbye always makes my throat hurt.” – Charlie Brown

My parents were set to head back after spending 5 months with us. Probably longer than usual in most circumstances. It definitely was a bonus. Thanks to Covid-19, their plans were pushed without a choice. I am truly grateful for that. It started when the World was closed down. We had so much chatting and catching up with them. Schools were remote and my GoodMan worked from home. The kids surrounded them and made them feel like celebrities. Life was fun and entertaining. The news was overwhelming and the prediction and precautions about the virus changed on a daily basis. My parents helped keep us buoyant and hopeful.

They enjoyed the snowfall and went for walks in freezing temperatures. They slept like a baby and woke up to a warm cup of ginger tea. We had pancakes for breakfast and delicious new ice-creams for dessert. Gradually, the days became longer and the rain washed our windows. The trees turned green and the sky turned blue. When schools closed and the summer kicked in, the kids started getting out more. Mom and Dad started walking in the evening as well. I made time to go run too. Mom worked on beads, dad read and researched and we made cards of hope for the residents at assisted living. Everyone found their routine and felt comfortable at home.

Years ago, when Bollywood actor Abhishek Bachchan and Miss World, Aishwariya Rai Bachchan came as a couple on Oprah Winfrey show, Oprah questioned, "After being married, you both are living with Abhishek's parents. How does that work?"

Abhishek paused and casually asked Oprah, "Do you live with your parents?"

Oprah responded, "No"

Abhishek continued, "How does that work?"

The crowd applauded. It simply shows how different cultures have different norms. It is fairly common for families in Asia and Africa to have different generations living together under one roof.

If you have never had your parents over for more than a weekend, here's what you can expect. If your parents stay with you, you will set up two extra table mats during meals, cook a little more and have two more sets of dishes in the dishwasher. You’ll probably have some free advice about your home arrangements like locks or lights and the reminder on being patient with your children. You will become the moderator between your GoodMan and your father when opinions clash. Occasionally your parents may make a noise while eating or drinking and may ask you the same questions over again. They may want you to eat healthy and not work so much.

Other than that, you will feel their unconditional love and support. The best baby sitters will be home and you can freely step out for a drive or coffee. You will witness the twinkle in their eyes as they share stories about their childhood and important life events. Even at the age of 41, you are allowed to be a 14 year old around them. You can skip cooking and ask one of them to take over without the slightest hesitation. The laundry will be folded and the house vacuumed. The plants will be watered and the dishwasher unloaded. The kids will always win because the grandparents are always on their side. It will feel like a party because the guest room is occupied and the heart is full.

We watched movies together and sometimes in smaller pairs. We were loud and crazy. We expressed our opinions and expectations. My mom thought that I was always advocating for my dad and my father believed that I was super sensitive towards my mother. Parents do become our children as they grow older. I told them the same thing that I tell my two children, "I love you both equally. You both are amazing in your own unique and wonderful ways. I could never choose between you two. I will always need you together."

The most beautiful thing in the world is to see your parents smile and to know that you are the reason behind it. My parents told my GoodMan and me repeatedly how grateful they are for our warm hospitality. They told everyone that this has been the 'Holiday of their Lifetime'. Every moment spent together was precious. I wish to preserve these in a treasure chest and look back at it as a happy time.

Finally, the bags are out of the store room. Watching them pack is painful. The clearing out the guest room is saddening. Emotions run high and we hide transparent tears. We try to keep checking if everything is in order, making sure every important document is printed and passports safely placed. Suddenly we try to hold on, just a little bit longer. We want to absorb the sight and sound. Stress about checking the passport and booking and recheck to reduce the stress. Everyone acts weird and confused. Overly talking and making unnecessary conversations. Giving undue advice and struggling to keep busy. Any downtime makes the emotions surface and everyone feels unsettled and uncomfortable.

They start saying Goodbye to the children and my GoodMan. No amount of hugs can fulfill the need to express your love. No number of kisses show how sorry you are for all the arguments and discussions. We expect to feel lighter but what we actually feel is heavier than ever before. The voice cracks before being able to talk. The eyes swim and float while trying to balance ourselves. It feels miserable and suffocating.

"How Lucky I am to have something that makes saying Goodbye so hard" - Winnie the Pooh

I drove them to the airport and checked in their baggage. I hugged them tightly and didn't want to leave. I wanted the World to pause and time to freeze. I just wanted this to last a little long. With tearful eyes, I finally had to let them go. I gave them one last squeeze before they headed through security. I kept looking at them long after they couldn't see me. I was watching as my father took out his laptop from the handbag and my mom was removing her shoes. I tried to get a glimpse or a shadow of their humble beings.

Life is complex. Even if you can't have something forever you still can't define how much and when is going to be blissful. I drove towards home and couldn't stop crying. Their voice kept ringing in my ears. Driving alone when you are sad, is similar to or probably worse than, drunk driving. I was zoned out and not aware of anything but made it home.

As I got out of the car, my daughter came running and hugged me. She looked at me and said, "Please don't cry Mummy. Remember, how will they come back if they don't leave? And you always have me."

I forced a smile and thought, does this sweetheart know that she will probably be in my shoes one day… I hope she won't live as far from me though.

~ MG