Don't ask, don't get!

Little humans know the philosophy of "Don't ask don't get!" better than older humans. A newborn will cry and wail until her needs are met. In other words, she inherently knows that if she doesn't ask, she won't get. A little toddler will, more often than not, ask for everything that he wants. Teenagers are the most difficult to give up on their demands. They fight with all their might. Every day is a battle of wits if you have a teenager or two at home. From the biggest brands to the coolest trends, they ask for almost everything.

Why do many of us lose this "will" as we grow older? The determination and confidence seems to mostly shrink as we become young adults and then older adults. It is probably because we realize that in the process of asking, we are putting ourselves out there. The fear of rejection is so big that we avoid asking all together.

In 2010, we had moved to Norwood and were looking for a new preschool for my son. We had considered a Montessori preschool mainly because it fit our budget. My parents were visiting us and I took my dad to show him the place. It was in an office building and the whole school was an open space on one level only. It was mediocre but we did not have much choice. I don't remember if they had any outdoor playground.

As we were leaving, my dad noticed 'Children of America' across the street and asked me if I had compared and checked this one out. I explained, "This is a brand new daycare and I have checked their rates online. It is more expensive than the Montessori so I haven't visited it." My dad insisted that we go take a look. I was irritated and blankly told him, "It may be awesome but you know that I can't afford it. We are just wasting our time." He simply said, "Lets just check it out since we are already here."

I admired how sparkling and colorful the place was. Gorgeous with brand new fixtures, large open classrooms and a huge playground in the back. With cameras in every classroom it boasted of the state of art technology. The staff was very courteous and my father said, "My daughter is considering the Montessori school for her son starting next month. However, if you can match their fees, we will be happy to bring him here." Without the slightest hesitation she gladly replied, "We are happy to accommodate your request because we have recently opened up in this town. However, I will only lock this rate for the first year." I was surprised and thrilled at the same time. It worked in my favor simply because my dad asked. I was pleased to take my son there for preschool.

Never let the possibility of a "no" discourage you. We cannot sit around and wait to be served. Don't ask, don't get. We can use this strategy in almost every fragment of our life. This is not really just about things though. It also reflects when asking someone for a first date or a phone number, asking for a long due promotion, asking for a better seat at a restaurant or asking for a late check out from a hotel. The list can go on and on. The more closer a relationship we have, the more necessary it becomes to use this principle. Many times we assume that our immediate family members or friends must know enough about us that we don't have to ask. Assuming that the opposite person is a mind reader, is our very own mistake. This lack of communication leads to resentment, disappointment and distancing in a relationship. A willingness to ask is crucial. Ask for help with household chores when needed. Ask for flowers or even date night. Ask for a massage or maybe even a surprise birthday party. (In my case, I have to ask my GoodMan to not do these things because he goes over and beyond)

Think about all the extremely successful people you know. I guarantee they are incredibly good at convincing and selling their ideas. They use this or a similar philosophy to achieve results. My affluent brother in law credits his success to practicing this principle at work. Maybe asking, just like negotiating, is the one skill everyone needs in order to be successful. But this doesn't mean you have to manipulate, pressure or take an advantage of people. Simply put, asking is the ability to effectively describe the benefits and logic of an idea to gain agreement with others.

After many years, I have finally gotten over the awkwardness of asking in most cases. Recently my parents wanted to reschedule their travel plans due to the risk of Covid-19. I called the airline to request them a change in their travel plans without being charged. The lady at the call center denied my request and told me the change in their booking would cost around $500 per ticket. I sadly hanged up the phone and told my parents that it won't be possible unless we pay the change fee. Without the slightest worry, they told me it's fine and we can decide as we get closer to the date.

I came back to the dirty dishes in the sink and suddenly felt that I hadn't tried hard enough and wanted to pursue it one more time. In my head, I had the script ready to convince the help desk that it's unfair to be charged when the World is going through a pandemic and airline travel is high risk for my aging parents. I was also secretly hoping someone else would answer my call now.

After 30 minutes of wait time, I was again explaining the situation to a different lady at the call center. Surprisingly, I convinced her and she happily agreed to make a change without any charges! She confirmed their revised bookings and wished me a good day. I had just saved over $1000 and simply because I asked and tried again.

Remember there is a fine line between being reasonable and unreasonable. When asking someone, we must put ourselves in their shoes and think, "Would I consider saying Yes if I was in their position?" If you would, then you absolutely should ask. If not, then you need to work again and come to a proposal that might be better grounded. Be confident and humble at the same time.

We are the ones who will write our story. When we look back at life, we will not regret what we did not get but we will regret what we did not ask. Irrespective of the area in our lives we are concerned about, as a rule of thumb, if you don't ask, you don't get. Try it, to see the truth and wisdom of this philosophy.

You will thank me later :)

~ MG